Filed under: Main Theme of Blog | Tags: cfm, exclusive brethren, ICC, open brethren, revival centres international, the door, the potters house, the way
It seems He read my blog. Wink.
Two things happened. One, I ended up having a very unexpected conversation with a trusted friend. I told her how I felt and filled her in on the things going on in my church. I’m usually silent-as-the-grave on the subject because I’m so incredibly embarrassed that I go to such a church. She totally understood. Knew just what to say. Prayed with me. Gave me some encouragement because she understood what I was saying and confirmed that I’m not nuts.
It was just what I needed to bolster my faith. To be reminded that God sees where I’m at and cares. He won’t leave me in this scenario. He will help me sort out Reason X so that this situation is resolved. I am encouraged enough to pray about a few specific things. I just wish I had a date or clear mark on the horizon to look forward to. Even still, I’m not going to succumb to the fear that I’ll be stuck here forever.
I found a couple of interesting tweets on legalism.
When we try to work OUT what God has not worked IN us: that is called legalism!
Legalism has two unmistakable marks: pride in those who feel like they live up to the standard or guilt-complexes in those who don’t.” Ps J.D Greear
Perhaps what I was calling pride is actually just a guilt-complex. I just need to remember that He is the Master Artisan, not me. I just have to give Him the OKÂ and He does the rest.
Second, I read an amazing book. Breakout: How I escaped from the Exclusive Brethren is about a person who escaped from an even more strict churchified cult. I soo related to everything he described in his book, even though I know his experience was way more intense and severe than my own! I too experienced so many of the same emotions and situations. It validated my feelings. Here’s proof that I’m not making up my emotions and dramatizing things! It’s a common response to control and having what should have been your “normal” life stolen from you.
The “church” I’m a part of is listed as a cult on the internet. A close friend needed to have counseling a few years after leaving. Upon hearing what church she used to go to, the therapist pulled out a big fat book of cults and showed her that our church was on the list. Of course, she freaked out to find out she had unknowingly been raised in a cult. At least we are vindicated by the fact that this organization has been recognized by other sources as being extreme.
For the curious, I’ve tagged this blog with a bunch of legalistic bible based cults. The one I’m stuck in is among the list of tags. I’m not yet ready to divulge any more details.Â
I can’t wait to be free and be able to flourish in a real church. To be free to just be a christian and to be ME. I am being me, but I’m having to fight to be me under a constant awareness of the fact that it’s not “in-line” with what is normally taught and expected by this church. I’ve also broken out of the fear that is instilled in you. I’m not afraid anymore, for the most part anyway. I just have to still be in it even though I hate every minute and I still have the shame of being associated with it.
Luckily, we are a fair distance away from other churches and so our lack of being ”in-line” has thus far gone undetected. If they knew how our Pastor doesn’t make everyone live up to the expected standards, we’d ALL be branded rebels. Not just me. The Pastor would immediately be brought in for correction and a new hardcore “Pastor” would be sent in to crack the whip and get the troops into shape.
The worst crime is that these kinds of groups and so-called “churches” twist the truth and pervert the Bible and effectively assassinate the character of God.
Â
If you need to be shown or reminded of the true, beautiful and loving character of God that lines up with the Bible, I highly recommend The Gift by Max Lucado. It’ll make your heart swell with joy, your eyes tear up by His great love and replace the fear of hell and condemnation with a peace that surpasses understanding.
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